


CEO for a Day

by terribad



Category: Xenosaga
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Crack, Gen, Haircuts, Humor, Impersonation, Implied femdom, Implied kink, Switching, Twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 16:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1863882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terribad/pseuds/terribad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A silly story written in 2011 wherein Gaignun calls in his younger brother to stand in for him during a peculiar office meeting at the Kukai Foundation, and all the loving, brotherly banter that entails.</p>
            </blockquote>





	CEO for a Day

As broad fingertips massage through his scalp, all Albedo can do is bare his teeth in only the mildest agitation as he grips the arms of his chair.    
  
"This washes out in water, right?"  
  
A low chuckle is heard while Gaignun's big hands continue to work the dye through his sibling's gradually blackening hair.  "What's it matter to you?  Can't you grow an entirely new head and not have to worry about washing it out?"  
  
"It's the principle."  
  
Gaignun relaxes his hands, glancing up at the mirror across from them with a look of sheer amusement on his face.  "I never pegged you for the type to care for principles of any kind.  You did agree to this, after all."  
  
"Of course.  I didn't agree to be dressed up to look exactly like you, nor the fact that you think a cheap dye job will be enough to do the trick."  Albedo pinches a clump of ink-dyed hair between his fingers, holding it up for emphasis.  "You might be able to fool someone who's never seen you before, but the 100-Series are going to know right away that--"  
  
Before he can finish, Gaignun shoves Albedo's head down and sprays the excess ink out with water over the sink, grabbing a fistful of hair when he's done and pulling him back up.  "You thought I would stop at the dye job, then?"  The youngest URTV smirks, holding up a delicate pair of scissors to the mirror.  
  
"Can't you just use hologram technology like everyone else?  It'd take far less time and effort, although I can't be surprised if this is another of your antiquated hobbies..."  Honestly, it reminded him of any time he let his hair grow out a little too much for Margulis's likings.  There were days where Albedo wanted to grow a ponytail out of sheer spite, just because he could, and just because it got those uptight lunatics at Ormus in such a tizzy.  He was, after all, the 800 pound regenerating gorilla that couldn't be killed -- what could they possibly do to him besides frown with disapproval?  
  
"I could," Gaignun smiles, whisking the blow dryer through Albedo's hair and attempting to comb the feathery black mess in order to be cut.  "But I can't say that it's not unjust to be entertained watching you squirm."  
  
"So it's another one of your fetish things, is it?"   
  
Gaignun doesn't answer, beginning to trim Albedo's veritable bird's nest as severed black strands fall upon the towel thrown over his shoulders.  
  
" _I said_ , this is another one of your fetish things, isn't it?"  
  
Snip snip snip.  Still no answer.  
  
"You're going to think about this before you go to bed tonight, aren't you."  
  
The cutting stops, leaving Albedo looking half-sheared and a look of wicked amusement on his face as he slouches over in his chair.  Gaignun narrows his eyes at his brother in the mirror, hearing only barely-controlled laughter from the violet-eyed demon. "No."  
  
"Hey, I'm not in any place to judge, am I?  You barely have an idea of the things I get up to--"    
  
"--Nor do I want to," Gaignun frowns, terse as ever as he pulls Albedo up by the hair, resuming the styling once his head's at a suitable angle.  The sounds of cutting get faster, as though he is attempting to drown out further commentary from the one-man peanut gallery.  
  
"You're wishing you did the hologram thing now, aren't you?"  
  
"A little."  Gaignun shoves Albedo's head down again, holding it there as he trims the back.  "Now keep still or I'll blow your head off and we have to do this all over again."  
  
"Are you saying that to dissuade me, or are you saying that so you can have more thoughts to go to bed with tonight?"  
  
Gaignun snaps the scissors shut, holding them in his fist and glaring into the mirror at the grinning face of his brother as he holds the pointed end inches above his head.  "Say another word like that and I'm driving this into your skull."  
  
"Oh sweet mercy," Albedo trills, fanning himself with his hand and relishing the withering stare from the black-haired variant.  Gaignun's frown deepens.  
  
"...On second thought, I know for a fact you're going to get off to that so I'm not even going to give you the pleasure."  He slides the scissors over his fingers once more, jostling Albedo's head and starting to excise the mess over his ears.  And just as soon as he begins to cut, a high-pitched yelp rings through the bathroom.  
  
"You sliced my ear, you bastard!"  
  
Gaignun pauses, then blinks in disbelief.  He makes a poor attempt to suppress a loud snort. "--That was you making that noise?"   
  
"Shut up, Nigredo."  
  
"You sounded like a--"  
  
"I said shut up!"  
  
The younger URTV breaks down into laughter, slapping the back of the chair and hunching over his very cross brother.  Albedo crosses his arms, angrily blowing a tuft of black hair off his chest as he glowers into the mirror at Gaignun.  Still wracked with chuckles, the green-eyed variant straightens up and tries to hide his smile behind a hand.  That moment alone made this little game of impersonation worth it.  
  
Still, it's enough to shut Albedo up for the moment and allows Gaignun to finish the job.  He cuts in silence for a few minutes, finishing off with Albedo's bangs and dusting him off and presenting him to the mirror.  
    
"What do you think?"  
  
Albedo squints and wrinkles his nose in disapproval.  "It reminds me of back home."  
  
"Just remember it'll grow back," Gaignun smirks.  
  
"Fuck you, Nigredo."  
  
"I'll pass, thank you."  He fishes into the breast pocket of his suit, pulling out a set of contacts and presenting them to Albedo.  "Here, put these on."  
  
Albedo hesitates, then takes the plastic container into his hand. "Because you haven't made it obvious enough that I'm going to disastrously fail any security clearances that come up when I'm doing this song and dance in your place, brother," he growls, popping the cap open and putting the contacts in -- brilliant emerald green, just like Gaignun's.  He was just about a spitting image of his clone-brother, save for the deeply intensified expressions that he normally held -- like the scowling he's doing at the mirror right now.  
  
"You shouldn't have to.  I'm not stupid enough to allow you access to any sensitive information about the Foundation," Gaignun shakes his head, then pries one of Albedo's hands off the armrest and begins to file down his clawlike nails.  "When was the last time you cleaned your nails, Albedo?  There's dried blood--"  
  
"--Just cut them off and I'll grow them back new," Albedo snaps, trying to wrest himself from Gaignun's grip.    
  
"No."  Gaignun continues to file.  "I don't want to explain fingertips in the trash to the cleaning staff."  
  
"Then don't peck at me like some kind of housewife."  
  
Gaignun thumps the back of Albedo's head with a wry smile.  "I'll peck at you all I want, Albedo.  And your nails are hideous."  
  
"I'd like to hear you say that when I'm digging them into your eyesockets when this is over with."  The corners of Albedo's lips tug into a wicked, playful sneer at the thought.  
  
Albedo's hand is dropped and Gaignun moves on to the next while Albedo examines his newly-shortened nails, his eyes widening as he turns over to look at his palm.  "Hey, genius."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"How are you gonna change my number?"  He holds his hand up, and Gaignun stares at the red '667' emblazoned across the skin.  
  
"Hmm.  I've got something for that.  Give me a moment," Gaignun finishes filing, then reaches into his pocket again, taking a red permanent marker out and scribbling a 9 over the 7.  "This should do."  
  
The words are unspoken, but the reeling disbelief written all across Albedo's face is enough.  "A marker?  Are you trying to deceive someone who's nearly blind?  And one more thing--" He turns around in the chair, looking directly up at Gaignun.  "You do realize the moment I open my mouth nobody's going to think it's you, right?"  
  
Gaignun only chuckles and gently pats Albedo's head.  "Oh, I wouldn't worry about that... You'll be gagged, for one."  
  
"Very funny, Nigredo."  
  
"I wasn't joking."  
  
Albedo turns back to his brother again, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.  "You never did outline exactly what it was you were going to have me doing," he smirks.  
  
"Strictly businesslike things, like I told you."  The CEO's tone is smooth and even, perfectly keeping his composure in spite of everything.  
  
"That involve dressing like you and being gagged?"  
  
"It's for an office party."  Gaignun removes the towel from Albedo's shoulders, shaking the hair off onto the floor.  "I'd love to be there myself, but Helmer invited me to a game of tennis today.  I thought I'd take the day off."  
  
Albedo lowers his gaze and lets a grin creep over his face, snakelike.  "I see.  So you forfeit a round of rough, kinky sex for a round of tennis, and leave me in your stead..."  He whips around, standing up.  "There's got to be a catch.  You set me up with a man, didn't you?"  
  
"The only man involved will be you."  Gaignun's voice is one that could melt ice, and his smile  could win elections.  "And before you ask, the women are beautiful."  
  
"If you're lying to me, you know it just might be your head that gets blown off at the end of the day.  Be careful with your words, Nigredo."  
  
"I haven't told a single lie today," he replies, smooth as silk.  He hands Albedo a folded piece of paper and brushes off any remaining strands of hair off his suit, relishing in his brother's barely-masked irritation.  "These are the directions to my office, as well as a few other things of note.  There's also a couple condoms, although I don't think you'll need them."  
  
Albedo only lifts his eyebrow at the veiled insult. "Really?  You're so confident in your silver tongue that you can talk your way out of any little white-haired bastards supposedly sired by you?"   
  
"Exactly.  They'll have white hair," Gaignun holds up his index finger and winks.  "Now I must be off to my game, I shouldn't keep Helmer waiting for long.  Don't do anything I wouldn't do..."  He bows his head and stares Albedo directly in the eye. "And stay out of my corporate golf cart.  I do not want to hear anything about you driving that thing into walls or scraping the paint, do you understand?"  
  
Albedo rolls his eyes.  "No joy rides in the golf cart.  Got it.  So I can snort any cocaine I find in your desk, right?"  
  
A spike of pain jabs through Albedo's mind. "NO."  
  
"Greedy little piggy," hisses Albedo, wincing as he rubs at his temple.  "So basically, I'm not allowed to enjoy the fun parts of being you."  
  
"Not necessarily.  You're just not allowed to do the things where you're more likely to be you and do something stupid, blowing my cover worse than the magic marker on your hand right now."  
  
"So no cocaine and no golf cart," Albedo examines his palm again.  The ink was already starting to get fuzzy around the edges as it asborbed into his skin.  "Anything else, Nigredo?"  
  
"Go to my office and read that slip of paper I gave you, and wait there for Shelley.  Do not under any circumstance leave or speak to anyone else."  
  
"Nobody?"  Albedo crosses his arms, lifting a brow.  
  
"Not even Jr."    
  
"He'll know I'm here anyway, you know."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Then why tell me not to talk to him?"  
  
"Because you're going to try and goad him into killing you, why else?"  
  
"Please.  If I were to die, I'd like to die looking like myself, you know."  
  
Gaignun sighs.  "Fine.  You can talk to him only if you close the office door so nobody else can hear you.  Now I must get going, I still question my judgment in trusting you to do this for me but it's not like I can't just pay off any damages you do in settlements anyway."  He starts to move for the exit, turning his back to his sibling.  
  
"How encouraging.  Enjoy... tennis," Albedo says, squinting an eye.  "If you were leaving for golf, I might have lost even more respect for you.  But that's still pretty up there."  
  
Gaignun stops at the door, turning to look his brother over one last time before he leaves.  "It could always be worse.  Enjoy being a CEO for the day."

**Author's Note:**

> This was initially posted on LJ as a WIP and I don't even remember how I was going to continue this, but I wanted to put it up here for posterity's sake anyway because I still enjoyed reading it years after I wrote it.


End file.
